Here are 10 questions leaders and team members need to ask themselves before taking a difference with a 'difficult' colleague to the next level. Ask yourself:
1. What am I after?
2. Am I part of the problem?
3. Am I trying to cast blame?
4. Is there old stuff that I am using to fuel this fire?
5. How did this all get started?
6. What can I do to prevent this from happening in the future?
7. Am I in the right frame of mind to deal appropriately with this person/situation?
8. What will happen if I just let it be?
9. What will happen if I try to take control?
10. What is the best thing for all concerned (team members, company, client)?
After you or your team member has considered some of the questions above, you then need to take a moment and consider how to present it. Take the time to think before you act, and this means E-mail too.
In terms of preparing to resolve the difference, here are 10 techniques worth considering:
1. Sleep on an issue, especially if you are angry.
2. Make sure that if you share the issue you're not demeaning the person with whom you have the problem.
3. Before you share it, think about who you're talking to and about.
4. Talk with a friend/spouse after work hours to get a read on your feelings.
5. Write it out - pros and cons.
6. Forget about it.
7. If you think a conversation is going to be painful, remember that you usually feel better after it's over.
8. Go to the person and deal with it - NOW.
9. Remember and be kind. It's hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube.
10. Feel good about yourself and how you handled the issue.
Now, it's time to take action (and, no action is still an action). So, ask yourself the appropriate questions, think first and consider which of the techniques above will be most helpful to you and your team. If an issue is presented to you, there is only one appropriate initial response. For example; 'Thank you for bringing this to my attention.'
These questions are also very helpful when dealing with client and customer problems. Issues happen daily. It's how we receive and resolve them that separate successful companies from the rest.
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