Whether you are raising children or trying to improve your own
self-esteem, the relationship between who you are and what you do is important.
Whether you are a parent, grandparent, or simply trying to build your own
self-esteem, it is important to realise that we need to separate our sense of
self-worth from our behaviour.
Imagine this scene: A three-year-old asks repeatedly, “Mummy,
do you love me?” Each time, Mum answers, “Of course I do.” Then the child takes
her hand and leads her to a broken flowerpot or shattered toy and looks at her
questioningly.
Here is a little child, on this earth only three short
years, already asking one of the most profound psychological questions any of
us can ask: “Is my ability to be loved tied to what I do? Am I the same as my
behaviour?” The answer for all of us, no matter how old we are, should be the
same, “No, indeed!”
The importance of this point can’t be overemphasised. To
increase self-worth, it is vital that we respond to behaviour while remaining
friendly and respectful toward the person. This means that when a child
misbehaves, we don’t call him a “bad boy.” And when a child does what we want
her to, we don’t say, “What a good girl!” Instead, we praise the behaviour and
hug the child.
The same goes for how we treat ourselves. Remember that you
are not simply what you do any more than you are what you wear.
