While there are no real secrets to being a better listener, there
are some behaviours that can take effort to change.
Here are a few suggestions
for influential listening:
Don’t follow your
instincts - at least not always. Listening is sometimes most valuable when
it clashes with your instincts and impulses. In a conflict, when someone is
disagreeing with you and you really don’t want to hear them out, that is
exactly when listening is most useful.
Capture your own
attention - Listening is difficult in part because we have a lot of brain
capacity, we can process language at 300 to 500 words per minute. But most
people speak around 100 words per minute. So we have extra capacity that makes
it challenging to manage our attention — instead we look at the person walking
across a room or consider an idea bubbling up in our minds. One way to manage your
own attention is to put that extra capacity to work by making more effort to
draw out your counterpart through questions or to organise in your own mind the
points they are making.
Stop interrupting
- For just one week, every time you want cut off another person and forge ahead
with your own point, wait. Instead, ask a question. It is a way to reflect on
your habits and to get more out of others by understanding their points more
completely.
....But don’t be quiet
- The gold standard of good listening is not measured by how quiet you are.
It’s about doing things to let the other person know that you are seriously considering
what he has to say. Elicit information, ask questions, make direct eye contact,
and whatever you do, don’t engage in other activities while you claim to be
listening.
Implement - The
real litmus test is what you do after the conversation. The most persuasive
thing a manager can do is to implement what people are saying. The rule should
be that as long as others’ recommendation is not worse than what you as a
manager would do — you should not hold your staff to a higher standard than you
hold yourself — then act on their suggestion. Otherwise you’re losing an
opportunity to show that you are good listener and to build relationships and
trust. And if the idea is worse? You still need to come back with a reasonable
explanation in a way that lets the recipient know his views were seriously
considered.
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